you should give me head with plastic fangs in
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We don't watch enough power rangers
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
