just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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