Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize