from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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