this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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