Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
