I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
