My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
