Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize