living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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