ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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