Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This baby is an asshole
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
