I need help removing her.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
