I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I want to be your penis for a week.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
