I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize