Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
