Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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