you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
