READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
