So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
