is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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