Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
