i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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