remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize