He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can I color on your dick again?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
