i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
