trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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