Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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