Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
