can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
