everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
