Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
