I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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