I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
