I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
