there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
