Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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