when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
