Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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