Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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