Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
