I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I intend to get homeless drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
