i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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