They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
