Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize