I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize