he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
