you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
