You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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