Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
