waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
