Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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