also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
