i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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