see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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