So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
