i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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