Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize