Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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