it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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