his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
