Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
