either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
