So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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