Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why do cheetos always look like penises
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
