He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Less talking, more tequila
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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