I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
