Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
