I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
