She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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