Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
