Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
