she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
