I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
